Hear you me

If your in a relationship, you could say that this would be THE BEST time of the year for you. And i would most likely be one of those people. But fortunatly for me, I have never had a valentine. Im not saying Ive never had a boyfriend, I had 4 SHORT relationships to be exact. 3 of the 4 of them ended because of distance. I met two of them when I was visiting family or friends in far away places.... and one had to move. I guess when your a teenager, you automatically see it as abandonment. Ive had terrible luck with relationships.

And again, never a valentine. So you can guess how I felt about the idea of my school selling Valentines grams. Annoyed. Depressed. Confused. All wrapped up in one. Not because I wanted one or not. Because there was no SPECIFIC person I wanted one from. Not a boyfriend who would send me one. I didn't want a secret admirer. I wanted to be with someone who understands me, who is like my other half. Maybe THEY could send me one...... I swear to god i will never settle again.

battle of the sexs

I do not understand guys. I don't get why one minute there your best friend, and the next they don't talk to you for days. Or how they act and do stupid things just to get your attention. And yet they still manage to give us girls butterfly's everytime they look at us in a special way, or let us know that they care. They can be asses one second, and then be there for you when your sad and hug you like everythings going to be okay.

Everytime I see a guy, I pretty much catogorize them. Ive pretty much seen them all: 1. The Players: their the guys who are flirtaholics. 2. The Nerds: The socially awkward braniacs and misfits. 3. The Mystery's: Yep, there the guys who keep to themselves and apparently have no feelings. 4: Jocks: populars, also may fit under the player catogory. 6. The normals: yes, there the small percent of the male population that are pretty ordinary.

And then, we have one last catogory, which in my opionon is the worst of all. 7. Player Wannabe's. Yes, they exist. There the freaky little bigs, who are in no way popular, but hit on every girl they see, cheat on them, and yet still in there mind they think their popular.

P.S DO NOT CONFUSE THIS GROUP WITH: PLAYERS. You see in their head there players, but to everyone else, their the insecure little girl inside who's waiting to break out. How do I know so much about them? One had the NERVE of trying to ask me out while he has a GIRLFRIEND. I didn't know at first. But I think deep down we know that a guy/girls trouble, our emotions are just too strong they cover up the feeling. And then you feel stupid.

I should have known better too. At first I felt like guys were like a puzzle, that I thought I solved.... but then you find missing piecies.

Stranger

There are people all around us. Riding the bus, walking, buying something in the store. Were all doing something and going somewhere. So what happens when you trap one stranger in with 15-20 kids who are all best friends? Youth Group. Its the one place where adults can drop off there kids in hopes that there learning more about their religion. And their kid makeing some sort of social contact all together. So naturally when my mom changed jobs to a new church, ba da bing ba da bo. New youth group.

Its kind of cool though. I never knew that there could be a place where jocks, nerds, band people, and the comic relifes could all be friends. I guess I didn't know what to excpect, so the minute I walked in alot of faces turned towards me, so I just kept my head low and took a seat on a couch in the far corner. Excatly 2 minutes passed untill a guy walked up in front of me with a huge smile on his face. He introduced himself and we shook hands.

From then on, everyone pretty much showered me in attention, which was kind of strange for me. People passed me notes and said hi during the surmon, and waved to me when I left. Like I was their best friend or something. It's strange, but they crack me up and are all different. I guess I'll see them next week.

On the brightside

Its funny how often whe have to face change. And the complications that come with it..... When you think of fear, maybe things that come up are spiders or the dark. We all are afraid of something. Even if it's fear itself. I haven't ever really been frightened by those things. As a child, when I saw all the pretty little blonds scream when there was a bug, I followed suit. During scary movies however, I was constatly afraid for the people in the movie. So from then I just figured I was afraid of fear itself.

I was wrong. Not about being afraid of fear. I still am afraid of fear itself, but Ive realized that there is something much more scary to me than people being taunted and tortured. Its change. As much as I may hide it, it hurts me the most. Maybe I don't trust the whole idea. To me it seems more like a gamble..... everytime somthing changes, either its good, or not so great. I guess I'd rather not take the risk.

When things have changed, my parents got divorced or I lost my grandma. I know that theres still a lot of good that can come out of change. Like my mom leaving my step dad was the best change I could have ever hoped for. But change is what got them together in the first place. Its the one thing I can't do anything about. I can't arrange it to how I want it. I also can't always put the piceics back together when it leaves me with a mess.

And I hate how it does that to me. But maybe I'm not supposed to have it all together though. Maybe I'm supposed to accept it's defeat on me and move on. Maybe, just maybe the good change will make up for all the crappy stuff thats happened in my life. We'll see.